Will You Hold My Hand?

This post was actually written almost 6 months ago and sat in draft until now. I watched the (in)RL event in April of this year and was inspired to write this post the next day. I thought about submitting it as a guest post for (in)courage and I thought about publishing it on my blog. And instead I chickened out. I did the exact opposite of what I talk about in this very post. I didn't want to come across as too weak or too needy - that isn't me. I wanted to be a part of a community without actually *needing* that community. And so 6 months went by.

But today there is an opportunity to submit posts to read at the Allume Social Media Conference {which I will be attending} and I remembered this one. I wondered if there might be some way that I could submit an unpublished post. And I thought about publishing it here, but burying it and backdating it. And then I realized something. This wasn't about whether or not the post gets read at Allume - this was a nudge. A nudge to publish the post right here, right now, in God's timing. So here it is friends, from the heart. Thank you for reading and thank you for being here!

Image Source: Free-Extras.com

Written April 29, 2012

Though I didn't have a meetup for the (in)RL event, I had just had a special lunch with sweet friends that Friday - the kind of friends who share their trials and their wisdom. I am blessed to have many friends like that. I do have real life community that's there for me when I need it.

Because I knew I wouldn't be at a meetup, I almost didn't register for (in)RL. But a special online friend helped me realize that I could still watch the videos on my own {and "with" her on Twitter!}. I'm SO glad I did that!  I was touched and moved by the stories and felt a kinship with these beautiful ladies who shared their hearts with us.

I expected all of that - would there be anything less from (in)courage? And I expected to cry. And I expected to eat chocolate. :) I did not expect the stirring in my soul. The kind where you feel God is preparing you for something, but you have NO idea what that something might be. I've had this feeling before - sometimes when new ideas come bubbling to the surface of my brain, or new opportunities or causes are presented - but I do my best to talk myself out of all of it. I convince myself that if God wanted me to do it - it would happen {in spite of myself}.

I do believe that - He is all powerful. But maybe when I stuff all those feelings back in to that little box in the corner of my heart, I'm taking the looong way round to what He wants instead of the shortest path. Maybe I need to ease up on my grip a little bit. If I really believe that God is in complete control, then why do I keep trying so hard to steer?

I can't see what's around the corner and that's hard for me. If God gives me a new idea or task to work on - I don't think I'm ready. Putting ideas into action is hard! It takes work - and I am lazy. It takes bravery - and I am scared. It takes reaching out - and I am staying in.

Can I ask you something? Something that I've never asked anybody because I am always trying to be in control? Will you hold my hand? Could we go around the corner together and face what might come - whether it be trial or triumph or simply more of the day-to-day? I think I need to take my tight grip off the wheel of life and hold one hand up to Jesus and the other hand out to you.

Blessings to you friends and may you experience the joys of community in your corner of the world! 

P.S. I almost chickened out again and didn't publish but I'm forcing myself to hit that button. :)