Thoughts From My Kitchen ~ The Crooked Spoon

I used this measuring spoon the other day and didn't notice anything unusual.  It functioned, or at least it functioned well enough that I didn't see what was wrong with it.  When I washed it, I noticed a problem.  I held it out in front of me for a good look.  It was crooked.

Obviously I neglected it and set it too close to dangerous flames on the stove for it to change shape like that.  Looking at that crooked spoon got me thinking (I know - a dangerous thing - LOL!).  The spoon was crooked, tilted, askew, slightly off.  What about me and my priorities?  Was I crooked, tilted, askew, slightly off?

How many times do we think we are doing a fairly good job of functioning as children of God, wives, mothers, and friends, but our priorities have gone slightly askew?  I might think I'm doing alright because I function well enough not to notice anything wrong.  But if I stand back and take a good look, I just might see that I'm leaning a little one way or the other.  

What can I learn from the crooked spoon?

The spoon is crooked, not perfect, but I will use it anyway.
I am crooked, not perfect, but the Lord will use me anyway.

If I try to fix the spoon without asking for help, I will just mess it up further.
If I try to "fix" my priorities in life without asking for God's help, I will just mess them up further.

Only through applying heat can the spoon be straightened out.
When God applies a little "heat" to my life, He helps me straighten out my priorities.

And...I think the Lord is pleased when I wash the dishes even though I do NOT like washing them!  :)

Just some thoughts from my kitchen...

Any wisdom from your kitchen?

Have a fantastic Monday!

My mother was mentally ill

Please bear with me; I decided to write a serious post today! Don't worry, we'll be back to happy and light tomorrow for Tea For Two-sday! I don't write serious posts too often, but if you want to see some of the serious, you can check out the posts about my son, my mom, and my sister.

The month of May (yes I know we just started June - I always run behind!) was National Mental Health Month. I thought I would share a little of my background growing up with a mentally ill mother. You'll get to know me a little better; I'll get to put my thoughts in writing; and we'll let others know that they are not alone.

I was wondering just now why this was on my heart to write about today. Suddenly it hit me - June 1st is when my mother died, 8 years ago. It may sound strange that I didn't remember the day, but I wasn't there when she died and none of us even knew that day that she was gone. I tend to think of her birthday as a more important date to remember.

My mother was mentally ill. I can't remember at what age I realized that. I think I started to realize it in second grade. I have fuzzy memories of different events - my grandparents and priests talking to Mom and then Mom going away for a few days; Dad mentioning a few things to us; Mom acting a little strangely more than once. And then after my parents divorced (Mom's decision), I have clearer memories - Mom throwing things at us and yelling/crying, Mom acting hyper while telling us we were going to get all new appliances and furnishings on credit, a psychiatrist giving us his card telling us to call him if Mom was acting strange - which I think we did do. At that point, I was aware that she had been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and needed medication.

My family knew of her mental illness and the priests at our church and maybe a few other key people. I do not recall talking to people when I was young about Mom's problems, even with friends. When you are already one of the few kids in class with divorced parents and you also have a Downs Syndrome sister, adding a mentally ill mother to the list isn't exactly appealing. When I was in elementary school, I was mostly confused about it and a bit embarrassed.

By the time I got to high school, I wasn't getting along with my mom and insisted that she let me live with Dad. She finally did and then I worried no more about mental illness - I was too concerned with finding my own spot in the socially awkward world of high school. What I didn't realize then was that Mom got worse during that time while my sister still lived with her. My sister never told me or my Dad what she was going through - she was too confused, scared, and ashamed.

The timing of events gets all blurred for me around this time, but I can tell you a few things without going into too much detail. Mom's problems had gone far beyond Bipolar Disorder. She left her job. She started hearing voices and created an imaginary man that she was supposed to meet. She was on and off of different medications and was committed to a mental institution more than once. Mom really struggled during those years.

Please don't think that I had a terrible childhood because of this. There were plenty of good times - board games, root beer floats, Little House on the Prairie, singing, piano playing, cousins, concerts, picnics, swimming, and reading stories. The Lord protected me and brought me through it all and has blessed me by keeping me free of the problems that Mom had. He also blessed me with a sense of humor as a coping mechanism!

When we talk about mental health - we tell people with mental problems to reach out and get help and we tell people to look for signs of mental illness in children so that they can get the proper help. But do we ever say anything about the children who are living with mentally ill parents? Do these children know to speak up and reach out? Do they know that they're not the only ones dealing with these issues? I certainly felt that nobody else I knew had a mentally ill parent.

I just want you to know that if you grew up with mental illness in the family or are living with it now, you are not alone! I pray that you have somebody to talk to about it, but please know that you can always talk to the Lord and He will listen.

Matthew 11:28-30
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

Thanks for listening today. If you have friends struggling with mental illness, please pray for and encourage them, but also pray for, encourage, and support their children.

Have a beautiful blessed day!

My One Month

I started out using the title One Month To Live on my post and then thought better of it, as I didn't want to scare all my friends! :)

Genny at My Cup 2 Yours was inspired by the book One Month To Live and encouraged us to write posts on what we might do in that month or what changes we would make and link up with her. It was something I had to keep mulling over before I was ready to write. Here are my thoughts...

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One month left on this earth - how will I handle this? Fleeting thoughts go by - "The List" of things I never did: write a book, visit Europe, take cake-decorating classes, and more. No time for those in a month, nor would I get any lasting pleasure from them. Then I briefly think about all the relatives who are too far to visit in that amount of time - I will not get to hug them and say good-bye. And then my thoughts settle on my family. How are they going to get used to the idea of life without Mom? How can I tell them everything I want to say in that amount of time? What will we do during that month?

Only then do I think about myself. I am not thinking "Poor me." I have the beautiful gift of knowing exactly where I'm going - to be with Jesus and experience sorrow and sin no more. I praise the Lord for His gift of forgiveness given by grace. I do not deserve it and I have not earned it, but it has been given to me nonetheless. In one short month, I am going to experience the greatest joy I have ever known! I am happy and sad at the same time. What will it be like for my loved ones left behind? It is sad to think of all the special moments I will miss with family - graduations, weddings, births.

If I am going on to receive the greatest gift ever given, then it seems only right that I leave some gifts behind for my family:

~ I want to write to them, to leave letters to be read when I am gone.
~ I want to give them my undivided attention and love.
~ I want to pray and cry and laugh with them.
~ I want to organize/clean my household to make things easier for them later.
~ I want to leave memories: photos, videos, blog posts.
~ I want to praise the Lord with them and seek His comfort.

A month seems so short a time with so much to do. I am praying that the Lord helps me to spend appropriate amounts of time working on my gifts and helps me not to neglect the most important things. And I want to thank Him for blessing me with a month to prepare myself and my loved ones for this new journey.

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What if you had one month to live? How would you feel? What would you do? I hope to make some changes in the way I do things. I love that Kristen at We Are That Family said in her post that she wouldn't change a thing - God is changing her.

If you feel inspired to write a post on My One Month - there's still time to share it by linking it up at My Cup 2 Yours. You have until Oct. 27th.

One of My Sisters is "Different"

Warning - it's time again for one of my occasional slightly serious posts! Bear with me...

I have 2 sisters. One would be considered "normal" by society's standards and the other considered "different." Let's call her "P". Since October is Down Syndrome awareness month, I'll tell you a little about P. Yes, that means she has Down Syndrome and she is mentally retarded. She is in her mid-30's and lives in a group home in Montana.

I'll tell you about childhood with P another day. I'll be honest - it was tough and they didn't have near as many services and/or programs for mainstreaming as they do today. My mother suffered from mental illness and my parents divorced - all adding to difficulties with P.

But now - P is a productive and fairly happy adult. Three of the behavioral characteristics with Down Syndrome are: having a very loving nature, being strong-willed/stubborn, and thriving on routine. All three are very true of my sister P!

She is so loving - everybody loves her and thinks she is amusing. She always has a hug for you (unless you've totally annoyed her!) and gets very excited about things like going to lunch, the latest teen magazine, and visitors. She gives a friendly hello to all those she knows around town. And she tells me that if nothing else works out, she will be marrying the guy from the car wash. Poor guy - probably didn't realize that by telling her "maybe someday", he would be locked in! :)

She truly is strong-willed and stubborn. If P doesn't get her way, she will pout and cross her arms. She might even give you the silent treatment for a bit. She has definite opinions on things and wants you to agree with her. P has my Dad wrapped around her little finger and he will do most things that she asks for. I don't let her get away with as much when I see her because she is still just a sister to me!

She really does thrive on routine. P lives in a group home where she has her own room and helps with cooking and chores. She also goes with the group to work everyday and works on different jobs for the community. P currently does shredding. She is also involved in Special Olympics (swimming and bowling) and other fun activities with her group. My Dad picks P up and takes her to his house for 2-3 days every holiday. She loves it but is always very happy to get back to her place and her routine. There is no tearful goodbye - she walks off to see her friends and barely even waves!

I see P every summer when we go to visit and we always take her out to lunch. She is happy to see us and enjoys the little bit of time we spend together. But she is always just as happy to get back to what she was doing when we got there. We kiss and hug and tell her that we'll send pictures.

That's just a little about P's life. You might be surprised to find out how many people you know are related to or know somebody with Down Syndrome. Most people (including me) don't bring it up in casual conversation. Maybe we should.

Let me get up on my soapbox here (doesn't happen often on my blog!) and say that I am shocked and appalled to discover that at least 90% of women in the US who find out that they are pregnant with a Down Syndrome baby have their pregnancy terminated! Babies are being killed simply for having Down Syndrome? (I know, babies are even being killed for lesser reasons). My mother would never have had an abortion even knowing the trials that she would experience with my sister - and I am sure that she experienced far more trials with me - a "normal" child.

If my mother had had an abortion, I would have been deprived of a wonderful sister who is a very productive member of society and brings joy not only to her family, but to her friends and even perfect strangers. She is a blessing! I also would not have learned much about disabilities or that being "different" is OK. We are all different!

You can ask P if she has a good life - she will tell you yes! Just because her life is different than mine doesn't mean that it isn't good. And for those that say people with Down Syndrome will use a lot of resources - if you call teen magazines, Crocs, and hamburgers with lots of ketchup a lot of resources (bought with money from her own paycheck)- then I guess you are right.

I discovered this website a few months ago: Reece's Rainbow, a nonprofit helping people to adopt international orphaned Down Syndrome children. What a wonderful cause! I pray that all these children will get adopted.

It's time we start realizing that ALL life is precious with value and purpose - none of us are perfect. If you find out that you are pregnant with a Down Syndrome baby - first I would say that you have been specially blessed, but I would also encourage you to talk to parents of Down's children before you make any decision that you will regret.

OK - off of soapbox now. :) Thanks for sticking with me through a serious post!

Do you know somebody with Down Syndrome?

Just One Son...

Most of my posts aren't terribly serious - I want you to have a happy little break from your day when you stop by, but...once in a while I'll throw one at ya...just to keep you on your toes! :)


We have "just" one son. We don't have any other children...on earth. Since my son was born (he's almost 9 now!), I have had at least 3 miscarriages. And, yes, I have been thoroughly checked out, have tried some medication, have looked into adoption, and have prayed. And you know what? At this moment, I am at peace with all of it - it's God's will for our family. We are a happy little family.

Though we haven't been blessed with many children, we have been blessed with one fabulous son and in so many other ways. It's good to remember that. Because we have one son, we have been able to: host Bible studies and tea parties, make and take dinners for families in need, send our son to a Christian school that we dearly love, volunteer at school, and watch other families' children, among other things. Perhaps this is what God wanted for us - to be able to bless the families that have more than one child.

Because of my miscarriages, I went through some genetic testing and discovered that I am at higher risk for blood clots. Discovering this was a blessing! It's very important to know for medical reasons and I now take a baby aspirin a day as a preventative measure. I never would have been tested for this for any other reason unless I actually had some blood clots. Thank you, Lord!

Our son used to regularly pray for a baby sister or brother. He doesn't seem to anymore - I think he's accepted that this is what our family looks like. He loves to be around other kids, but is always happy to come back to the calmness of our home. Sometimes that makes me happy and sometimes that makes me sad. I think he will be a wonderful father someday and he has mentioned that he would like 7 kids! Maybe we will end up having more grandchildren than other families!

That's our story of "just" one son. It makes me think about "just" one Son of God, who died for our sins and saved us through His blood. "Just" one son can be a wonderful thing.

Some notable only sons were/are (these are just a few - there are many): John the Baptist, Hans Christian Anderson, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Cary Grant, Roger Staubach, Joe Montana, Alan Greenspan, and Tiger Woods.

I Forgot to Thank My Mom, Part 2

As Mother's Day approaches, I wanted to share a few more thoughts about my own Mother. My Mom passed away a few years ago - you can read Part 1 for background.

I just wanted to share a simple list, without explanations, of things my Mom taught me. Only recently did I realize the full importance of all these things. Mom did her best to establish a foundation, and although I strayed far from some of the items on the list, I eventually came back.

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Thank you, Mom, for encouraging me in:


~ Faith in the Lord
~ Cooking/Baking skills
~ Appreciation of music and singing
~ Love of reading
~ Curiosity & Creativity
~ Importance of Discipline
~ Laughter
~ Playing games together
~ Cleaning/Laundry skills
~ Independence

That is not a complete list, but includes enough for now.

Have you given your mom credit for all the things she taught you?

I Forgot to Thank My Mom, Part 1

My Mother's birthday has just passed and Mother's Day is approaching - this is the time of year when I think about Mom. Maybe it's unusual that I don't take time to remember the anniversary of her death (2001), but it seems to me more fitting to remember her on days of celebration.

My Mom was not my best friend; we were not particularly close. Our personalities clashed. I spent my teenage years being embarrassed of her and disrespecting her. I spent my twenties trying to be kind to her, but thinking of all her faults and of all the ways that she had failed me as a mother. Now, in my thirties, whether because she passed away or because of my age and being a mom myself, I find myself realizing that although she did many things "wrong", she did the best she could and actually did some very important things "right".

It's too late to tell her thanks for all the good things she did, but I can share them with you. And maybe it's not too late for you to thank your mom for even the smallest things that she has done "right ".

Thank you, Mom.

Part 1:

I have to share a story that I think of often from my childhood. I was rather a difficult child to deal with - strong-willed, stubborn, selfish, cute, smart and funny - a bad combination!

One day, I announced to my Mom that I was going to run away from home. I don't even remember why - could it have been that they insisted on cooking hamburger soup over and over even though I clearly did not like it, or that I thought school was boring, or that making me do housework was child labor? - but I felt strongly (strongly enough to "announce" it, but not strongly enough to sneak away during the night). My Mom was surprised, of course, and didn't say much.

"I'm going to go pack my clothes now" I said, and off I went to my bedroom. I got out a doll blanket - not too big, not too small - and selected some clothes to fold up and put in the middle of it. Then I pulled up the 4 corners and tied it together, imagining that I was carrying my clothes like a hobo, which added a nice bit of drama to the whole thing. I took my time doing this, probably thinking that Mom would run in any minute and tell me to stop and that she would do x,y,z... to make my life better. She never came in. Finally, I went into the kitchen with my hobo pack, ready to go.

"I'm leaving now."

Here's the best part...Without even changing her facial expression, Mom asked me if I had far to walk. Wow. I hadn't thought about this possibility and told her I didn't know. She then asked if I would like a ride to the bus station. Wow. I bet she wished she could capture my facial expression on film. I stumbled over my words and said that might be a good idea. Then she kindly asked me if I was hungry.

"It's almost lunchtime. Do you think it might be a good idea if you have some lunch before you go?"

Relieved, I agreed to this and put down my hobo pack. I don't even recall what the lunch was - grilled cheese sandwiches, maybe. After lunch, I told her that I had decided not to leave. And I went to unpack.

"Brilliant!" you're thinking. How did your mom know to do all that? It was perfect; she called my bluff but still gave me an easy out so I wouldn't dig my heels in. Well, I found out years later that after I went to my bedroom to pack, she was panicking and worrying about how to handle the situation. She called my 1st-grade teacher for advice. He told her to stay calm, and gave some advice. She may have called our priest, also; I've forgotten some of the details. And I know that she prayed for strength from the Lord. So, by the time I came back out, she was prepared. And although you may not agree with how she handled the situation, I feel that it was just right for that time and my personality.

I found a couple of good lessons in this - one being that moms are not perfect and do not have all the answers. Another lesson is that we're not on our own - we have the Lord to go to for strength, our spouses to go to for support, our parents to go to for wisdom from experience, and our friends to give us encouragement and advice. We should never be afraid to say, "I don't know how to handle this - I need help", but we need to remember to go to the Lord first. He will hold our hand and guide us through.

I hope you enjoyed my story. Did you ever try to run away? How did your mom handle it?

Precious Blessing

Well, I planned on writing about something else today, but then my son ended up at the emergency room last night.

It's always scary when something is wrong with your child and you can't fix it for them. You start to think about all the possible things that could be wrong. Prayer and trust in the Lord kept me somewhat calm. My son's problem turned out to be nothing major (as far as we know right now) - Praise the Lord!

It was another good reminder of how precious our children are and how we really don't know how much time we have with them. So take time today (and every day) to give your kids extra hugs and kisses and tell them how much you love them. And savor those "chocolate" moments - the giggles, the clean smells of hair and skin after a bath or shower, the smiles with missing teeth, the unexpected hugs, the peaceful faces when sleeping, the singing of hymns while playing, and so many more...